A week to celebrate hitting another milestone. Went to bariatric clinic again this week and had a very small loss. I did indicate that I had my period and I always gain fluid at that time. They wanted to add some more saline to the band, but since we are off to Port Douglas next week they elected to wait until my return. Sure enough, I dropped nearly a kilo yesterday and a few hundred grams today and droppped below 120kg for the FIRST TIME IN FOUR YEARS. I am thrilled. It also means if I can keep the weight coming off over the next two weeks, I might not have to have saline added after all. In any case, I feel healthy, I feel positive, and I finally feel like I have control of my body and what it is doing.
Today, I tried on a new bra I bought a while ago. I inadvertently bought it a size too small. I now fit into it. The means I have dropped a full bra size! I also bought a new pair of tracksuit pants this week – and they fitted! I haven’t been able to buy a pair for nearly 2 years and have relied on yoga pants. Now I am warm, relaxed, and looking forward to buying some exercise gear soon to start some personal training. I can’t wait, because that will also help to push the weight loss along, and start helping me tone up too.
There has been a “down” moment as well. It involves a long-standing friend and her refusal to even mention my surgery or weight loss after not seeing me since before I had the band put on. She has weight issues of her own, and I learned the hard way early on to never mention her weight. But I thought, after waiting for 12 months to have this surgery, that there would at least have been an inquiry about how the surgery went, about how different I look – ANYTHING. But, nothing. We have been friends since high school. I was very hurt when I left her last night. I feel like it has exposed a rift in our relationship that I had been blind to, until now. I wonder if I can go forward and NOT tell her how hurt I am (she won’t see this as she is not on social media). Her lack of tangible support will not stop me. It will not discourage me from my goals. But it makes me question lots of other things. I am so grateful to everyone who is supportive of my choices, to all those who offer words and gestures of encouragement. You know who you are and I thank you. I just wish I could take this friend with me on the ride.
I love my life. I love her. But if she can’t even wave from the shoreline I may have to sail on without her. I just don’t know.
This week I hit a total loss of 15kgs. Took some measurements too. I have lost 10cm off my hips, 3cm off my waist and nearly 8cm off my bust. I know my wrists are thinner too – I had to have a link removed from my watchband on the weekend to stop it flopping around! It is still a novelty to be able to walk around without getting exhausted; to walk up stairs and not be panting and sweating at the top; to feel my wedding ring spin around on my finger instead of being wedged in place. I am sleeping better, my skin is clearer, and I feel more in control of my body than I have in years. I did have a little glitch in the past week with a fish burger. Beware the fish burger. It is gluggy and dense and not the friend of the lap-banded person! As my mate Miffy keeps saying “Not the bread! Don’t eat the bread!” Just shows some habits are harder to break than others!
If I can drop another kilo, I will be lightest I have been since my Dad passed away (5 years on the 25th June). The best part is the knowledge that, if I continue to listen to my body and eat the way it tells me to, I will keep this weight off – and lose more.
I feel better equipped to handle the ups and downs of life now. It’s amazing how taking control of one thing can spill over into other parts of your life as well. I am looking at opportunities to work on secondment at a new school campus we are opening next year in Darwin; I am finally genuinely contemplating writing a novel; I make an additional effort to do things and see people where previously I might have made an excuse to get out of it (yes, it happened quite a lot because I was just so tired and sick of myself).
Even better is the knowledge that this first 3 months? This is only the BEGINNING.
Went back to my surgeon yesterday to get weighed and have more saline added to the band. 2.6 kg loss for the last 3 weeks, which was impressive enough not to warrant more saline! No needle! No uncomfortable tummy! BONUS! The specialist is happy with my progress and will see me in 3 more weeks. He even said it is possible they might not need to add any more for quite a while if my progress is steady and consistent, which is exciting.
What was also exciting, for a different reason, was a woman I confronted in the waiting room for her views about Muslims and immigrants in general. We had a nasty terrorist incident here in Melbourne this week. A bystander died, 3 police members were injured, and the perpetrator was shot and killed by police after a stand-off siege. So, this woman was reading, at a loud volume, an online news article to the person she was with (sister, friend, I dunno) and started going on about “towel heads” and other similar derogatory terms. I was sitting nearby and voiced my objections to her characterisations and asked her to tone it down. She, in turn, told me that Australia would be better off with no immigrants at all. I replied that she might be right, because unless she was an indigenous Australian she was an immigrant too – and we’d be better off without people like her here. With nowhere to go, she told me to f#%k off. I went in to get weighed and when I came out she was gone (presumably in to her appointment). We didn’t cross paths again. When I had finished my appointment and I was booking my next one, I apologised to the receptionist for making a scene with this lady and she was aghast.
“You do not need to apologise for anything,” she told me. “I wanted to thank you for speaking up. Not many people would. I am an immigrant, and I appreciated you putting her in her place. I am sorry she was so unpleasant to you.” I told her that I had been at a conference on the weekend (#YAMatters: Reading Matters 2017) where one of the overarching themes was acceptance over tolerance; and promoting diversity in literature. I said that I had seen an opportunity to make a small difference, so I did. I am so glad that I found the courage to call this woman out. I guess on reflection, if I am honest, if I had had more time to think about it, I might have worried about physical danger because she was taller and wider than me and was with someone. But I just had to back myself – and her.
How dare this ugly person say those things? Obviously I had reached a point where I had heard enough of this talk and spoke up. Next time, and I am sure one day this will happen again somehow, somewhere, I will step forward and speak again.
Bring on Week 12.
After the lamb incident everything has settled down quite well. Have reached 14kg lost and feeling great. Had to have a pair of jeans TAKEN IN this week because the waist band was gaping – a first.
I am at a fabulous YA Lit conference this weekend and there have been firsts here too. Walking to the venue this year was not the sweaty, panting, out of breath experience it was 2 years ago at the same conference – another first. Walking up and down the stairs at the venue was easy – another first. I bought a t-shirt from the event bookseller in a size L – yet another first (well, not for the last 4 years anyway). And then, back in the hotel room tonight, I could put on the hotel bathrobe! Last time I could not even get it around me! A definite first!
There have been a couple of hiccups today too, like not being able to eat breakfast, and a dodgy room service meal last night, but for the most part this week has been good. It is getting easier to tell when I am losing weight too. I can tell by how many times I have to take a whizz. The more wee, the more weight lost.
I feel so lucky to have been able to take this step towards changing my life and health for the better. My friends and family are being so very supportive and I honestly could not do it without all of them in my corner, so I just want to say thank you.
I see my surgeon next week to hopefully put in some more saline. Hopefully it will be a less painful experience than last time. 🙄
To round things off, here is a photo of me in that bathrobe!
A slight rise in weight, but that’s not the hard part. Cooked a lovely lamb roast for dinner tonight. It seems that roast lamb and I can’t be friends any more, at least for the time being. After the second trip to the loo to regurgitate everything I had eaten to that point, I was done with dinner. The rest went into the bin in disgust. Might have a crumpet with a cup of tea later. Feeling very flat. I had looked forwarding to sharing a nice meal with the family and all they saw was my back as I walked quickly to the toilet to throw up. I know this is just a misstep, but it feels bloody crappy, and now my chest is sore. I think it’ll be an early bedtime for me tonight. Just want to curl up and wish the world away. Kinda over it a little tonight. Sorry to be such a downer, devoted readers. I’ll be fine tomorrow. After all, it’s another day. 🙊🙊🙊
Everything has more or less settled back into a routine since the adjustment last week, thank goodness. Managed a lovely brunch yesterday with close friends – without regurgitation issues, so that was a bonus. Ordering breakfast meals WITHOUT the toast is definitely the way to go!
Last night I decided to have a glass of red while cooking dinner for the family and watching the news.
Well, well, well…turns out making one’s stomach smaller makes one get pissed quicker and with less! By the time I served dinner I was flying. I was one relaxed mummy! I can see that doing shots and drinking cocktails as I did on my cruise last year will become a thing of the past. More like doing A SHOT and having A COCKTAIL. At least it’ll be cheap!
I did manage to successfully ingest and retain the wine, so I will just have to really really savour it when I do drink it (it’s not like we drink wine every day or anything). Perhaps this means when we go to dinner somewhere I need to order the most expensive wine by the glass and enjoy the ride.
Learning every day. Fast approaching the 120kg mark. When that happens I will be the lightest I have been in three years.
Bring it on.
Landmark day today. 12kg lost, but that’s not the biggest thing that’s happened.
Today I put on pantyhose, and I am wearing them comfortably, for the first time in FIVE YEARS. Let me repeat that. FIVE YEARS.
Over the past 5 years, every time I tried to wear pantyhose (yes, even the ones made for larger women) I would struggle and strain to put them on. Sometimes I would give up, sometimes they would tear (often, actually) and I would throw them away in disgust, and very rarely I would get them on. IF I actually managed to get them on, I felt like a sausage squeezed into a too-tight case. My legs would rub together and chafe and give me a terrible rash from the friction created. I stopped trying all together about 2 years ago and resigned myself to long-ish skirts, and pants, so I could wear knee-high stockings and be comfortable.
Today, I am wearing pantyhose and my legs are warm. I am in a knee length straight skirt and my legs are not creating pantyhose friction.
Today, dear readers, is a very good day.